The Life I Lead
by GemEncrustedEarth
Summary: Laguna has retired from his old job, took up a new job, got remarried, and had children in addition to Squall . Rating to be safe.


Gem: Extraordinarily AU. Laguna has retired from his old job, took up a new job, got remarried, and had children (in addition to Squall). Just so the first song makes sense. And I looked but I couldn't find any dates at all. Plus, the second half I blame on yoo-hoo for giving me ideas about fathers yelling supercalifragilisticexpialidocious at their long lost sons. That said, I don't own FFVIII or the songs.

* * *

Laguna liked order. In fact he liked it so much, he had to have everything happen on schedule. He had retired from his job as president of Esthar and moved back to Winhill with his new wife. Something today had compelled him to start singing as soon as he walked in the door.

"I feel a surge of deep satisfaction much as a king astride his noble steed when I return from daily strife to heart and wife. How pleasant is the life I lead!"

"Dear, it's about the children..." his wife said as he walked in.

"Yes, yes, yes!" he replied distractedly. "I run my home precisely on schedule. At 6:01, I march through my door. My slippers, sherry, and pipe are due at 6:02. Consistent is the life I lead!"

Laguna admitted to having a slight fondness for tobacco on occasion. But lately, he'd had too much of a fondness for it.

"It's grand to be a Galbadian in 1910. General Caraway is in charge; it's the age of men. I'm the lord of my castle, the sov'reign, the liege! I treat my subjects: servants, children, wife with a firm but gentle hand. Noblesse oblige!"

Laguna wondered what had possessed him to sing. Really this wasn't like him at all!

"It's 6:03 and the heirs to my dominion are scrubbed and tubbed and adequately fed and so I'll pat them on the head and send them off to bed. Ah! Lordly is the life I lead! A Galbadian nanny must be a gen'ral! The future empire lies within her hands and so the person that we need to mold the breed is a nanny who can give commands!"

Laguna knew that he and his wife constantly had this argument about their children. He had insisted on getting a nanny for the children since both of them were so busy constantly.

"A Galbadian bank is run with precision; a Galbadian home requires nothing less! Tradition, discipline, and rules must be the tools without them - disorder! Catastrophe! Anarchy! - In short, we have a ghastly mess!"

Laguna admitted he loved his new job at the bank but he knew that it needed precision to run. So did a household in his mind. He finished his song and caught the look on his wife's and all of his children's faces.

"My father's crazy," Squall muttered with his head in his hands.

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!" Laguna yelled while holding out his arms to Squall.

Squall raised one eyebrow at Laguna before Laguna's wife Alea started singing an explanation.

"It's...supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious. If you say it loud enough, you'll always sound precocious."

Squall raised the same eyebrow at Alea before the rest of his family burst into song. The rest of his companions had to walk into his family randomly singing.

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay; um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay! Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay! Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay!"

"Because I was afraid to speak when I was just a lad. My father gave me nose a tweak and told me I was bad. But then one day I learned a word that saved me achin' nose," Laguna sang. Squall gave his father a weird look because there had never been any mention of grandparents.

"The biggest word I ever heard and this is how it goes: Oh!" The rest of the family had joined in with Laguna.

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious. If you say it loud enough, you'll always sound precocious. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay. Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay! Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay! Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay!" The children grabbed Squall and Quistis and danced them both around the living room area.

"He traveled all around the world and everywhere he went. He'd use his word and all would say 'There goes a clever gent,'" sang Alea.

"When Dukes and maharajas pass the time of day with me. I say me special word and then they ask me out to tea," Laguna sang as he held out an arm for Rinoa to take. She took it with a wary look at him.

"Oh..supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious. If you say it loud enough, you'll always sound precocious. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay. Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay!" The children continued dancing Squall and Quistis around the living room.

"You know you can say it backwards which is dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirepus. But that's going to be too far, don't you think?" Alea asked Laguna.

"Indubitably," he replied.

"So when the cat has got your tongue, there's no need for dismay. Just summon up this word and then you've got a lot to say. But better use it carefully or it could change your life," Alea advised Squall's group.

"For example," Irvine said as he tapped Alea on the shoulder. "One night I said it to me girl and now me girl's me wife!" Selphie hit him hard over the head with her nun chucks. "Ow. And a lovely thing she is too."

"She's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!" Squall's family sang as they ran out the door to the stares of the neighbors.

Squall emerged briefly to yell "There's nothing to see! Go back to your business!" before disappearing back into the house.


End file.
